December again…

December again... the year went so fast... And everywhere you go is Christmas season... Since James passed I stopped enjoying Christmas season... it was too painful... Christmas was our season... We had a big Christmas tree and always tried to get the best sweet present to each other... silly things to make us smile... Since he passed I stopped having a Christmas tree or Christmas decorations at home... I didn't feel ready to celebrate it without him, it was like I didn't feel the Christmas season now that he wasn't here... This year I started to feel it again... not like before, but I started to feel some of the merry of the season... I was in the supermarket and I saw a cute little tree, a really mini Christmas tree... Something inside of me told me to get it, "James would like it"! So for the first time in 4 years I have once again a Christmas tree... Is alive, very small and I just put some lights, but it makes me happy to look at it... I feel like a big achievement, little by little I am growing around the pain and the grief of James dead... I am moving forward, taking all his love with me... After Christmas I will plant the tree... he would like that... James loved trees and nature so much...

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