He was my home...

11 years ago I arrived to the UK... I was just to spend 6 months here, Spring and Summer, and then go back to Barcelona... Things changed, the schorship I was hoping to get didn't happened in the end and at the same time I was wasked if I would like to stay longer at the job I was. I told yes and a few weeks later I was offered a PhD in a different research institute... And then my stay in the UK was made more permanent, at least more 3 to 4 years to do the PhD. I had friends and a PhD to keep me busy, I wasn't really looking for someone... I mean, I dated, of course, but not in the way of this is the one... Until February 2016, when I met James... Is funny that when I met James I though we wouldn't last, though I just knew he would be my boyfrind when I put eyes on his Tinder profile, I just knew we would end up together. But we met, and had a few dates and then he travelled to the USA for a training course he had booked before meeting me. He was to be away for almost one month, so I though, OK, I will never see him again when he told me about the travel. Oh boy, I was wrong! I was waking up everyday to a sweet message from him... We talked over Skype every day and we were always sending Whatsapps to each other... I was the first person he called when he landed in the UK again, and he didn't come straigh away to meet me because he had caught a bug in the airplane (something that always happen when he traveled as I found out with time...). He noticed from when he was before at my place that I had butterfly shaped fairylights and a butterfly brooch, he also noticed I liked to collect magnets from places I visited, so he brought me a butterfly magnet. He also bought be a bottle of my parfum, I mean, wow, he noticed so many little tjings about me in just a few weeks dating (he travelled to the USA in March 2016)! James was the sweetest man I ever knew. He could look like he didn't noticed things but he did, he was so sensitive as well. You could think he was a tough guy, but he could hurt easily... I loved to be hugged by him, to get lost in his big strong hug... I always felt so safe and loved when he hugged me... I remember when I took James to meet my family in Portugal, we were already living together for almost 1 year, he was so nervous... He learned how to say nice to meet you in Portugueses (prazer em conhecer), and spend saying that for like 3 hours while swe drove from Galicia (Spain) to my village in Portugal (we drove from England to Portugal as an adventure and way of visiting different places in France and Spain, oh and so he could bring his surf boards). My parents, and all the family to be honest, loved him straigt away! I mean, who wouldn't?! It was during that visit that my mum told me "You aren't coming back right?", and I knew she was right, I had found my place, my home, and that was with James, wherever James was I should be too... I finished the PhD, I started jobs and always with James by my side...until July 2020, when I lost him to mental health... I am still in the UK, I just couldn't move back to Portugal and be away from all our memories and his grave... I still need to be at driving distance from his grave, his last place... He is still my home... I miss you so much James...but I know he is always with me, in spirit... I need to belive in that, that we are energy and one day we will met again, that one day I will be again in his arms, that he will be the one that wil come for me when my time arrives... Funny how so much good and bad things can happen in ones life in 11 years, sometimes it looks it was yesterday I arrived here... Some of my best and worst years were during this time...

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