The widow diary

Is that time of the year again... The time to be Merry and full of Christmas Spirit... Something hard for a widow (or someone grieving). But this year it feels a little different for me... I still miss James immensely and wish he was here, alive with me… But I guess that I am accepting that will not happen… I guess after more than 5 years I would have to accept, right?! Could be the fact of so many changes (positive) in the last few months, that gave me a more positive outlook… I was video calling a friend the other day, an old friend, that already saw me through many things, and she told me that I looked happier, that I finally looked happy again! And as I say this my eyes get clouded with tears… It is true… I am happier, I am happy again… Not in the same way I was before James passed, but happy in the way I am living now, without him, but with him still strong in my heart… Accepting my life is different now, that I am different now, but that I can still be happy… I can still find...