People doesn’t know what they are talking about!!!

When you start your journey of bereavement, people say it will get better with time… People doesn’t know what they are talking about!!! Of course, the shock from the beginning passes, but the grief and the pain?! Oh, that one stays… I am not sad every day, of course not, but is like I miss him even more now more than 4 years after he passed. I guess is that felling of me having to keep moving, to keep living, and he is still there, freeze in the past. Like my love for him… is still there, it will be always there… We aren’t together because we had a fight and decided to end our relationship, we aren’t together because he is dead! And that leaves me like if I was in a limbo… for the world, I am single, but for me I am not, at least I don’t feel like that. I want to… I want to move forward, to meet someone nice, etc, etc, etc… But at the same time, I just can’t… Everything is so contradictory… Sometimes, I still think about joining him… I miss him… and grief is a real pain in the back… But then I think of my mum, my family, friends and of course, little fat Kiko… How can I do that to them, knowing the pain that it is? So, I breath deep, and have a peep talk with myself, “stop being an idiot… he wouldn’t want you to be thinking like this”, “you have a cat to feed! What would be of Kiko without you?! He already lost James…” So, I keep going, one day at a time, some days better than others…. Some days are light, and fun and sunny… Others…Well, is like why I even wake up?! (“because you have to feed Kiko”)… And I get up of bed, and Kiko is so happy for seeing me waking up, and because that means wet food, and a little of the weight of grief is lifted. Grief doesn’t get better with time… it gets tolerable, I guess… You learn how to have it as your companion and adjust to live with it… Thank you little fat Kiko for being my biggest support, even without knowing…

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