The widow diary

I always was a big Bridget Jones fan... I saw all the movies and read all the books... I actually read the last book before widowhood… When I saw the movie "Bridget Jones baby" I remember to complain that the movie didn’t had nothing to do with the books. And that the books were so much better etc… I was so sad for her loss when I read the last book, and I remember to think how hard that much had been (if she was a real person of course)… But I found her inspiring... Mr Darcy was the love of her life and even though he dies she still loves him... She still carries his memory and love with her while she moves forward with her life... She cannot crystallize in that moment... She have 2 kids, she needs to keep going for them... Then in 2020 James passed… I could relate even more with that pain… thinking of that book always gave me hope… I mean if Bridget can so can I, right?… Today I went to see the movie based on the last book, "Mad about the boy"... I went with othe...

Tomorrow would had been our 9th anniversary... Ceramic or Wicker anniversary... Today was a hard day... he was the person I most needed to talk to... I need his shoulder... his hug... But he is not here and I am without his hug to comfort and reassure me... It will be 5 years in July that he took his life, and in days like today all that pain and grief is as raw as when he died... I know I should be gentle with myself and take a day at a time, but sometimes is so hard... My life did not got better without you James... it got much worse...