The widow diary

Last Saturday I did something I never though I would do again. I flirted with a guy! Last time I did that was in February 2016, when I met James... I never though I would be able to do it again... I mean I still love James like when he was alive. I guess it helped the cocktails and beers and the fun I was having with my gym friends at the Pride. I felt so in control after that! And powerfull! Apparently I still can chat up a cute guy! And the best part was my friends being happy and excited for my little step into this grieving journey I am in! This event gave me hope for the future, that I am healing and moving forward. I didn't asked his number or gave mine. I am so out of practice that when he told me he was going to the same gym as me (because of my t-shirt), I just told ah ok, hope to see you around, instead of asking him at what days and times he goes to the gym, as my friends pointed out! But it was a first little step and I am so proud of myself! Adapting Neil Armstron...

I had to be away from here some time... I was mentally exhausted... it was his birthday, then mine, and life keep going without stopping and I just needed a minute to stop... Sometimes we just need to stop and have a couple of deep breaths to find ourselves again... Some days are harder than others... but I need to keep going... I need to make him proud of me and live for both of us! One day at a time right?